When I was younger, my dream was to become a famous singer. As a young girl, I began discovering my talents and soon became addicted to the flow — the mental state you get into when performing an activity in a feeling of energized focus, full involvement, and enjoyment.
I had this dream for about half of my life. At twelve years old I began to actively pursue it. I enrolled in singing lessons, would practice days on end by myself, started writing lyrics, then songs, then making beats, I met some local artists and released some stuff.
With time, my core life values have changed.
I used to value success, recognition and legacy above all, but leaving a legacy, being accepted, recognized, or the best singer in the world no longer matters the most to me.
After experiencing burnout while trying to make my dream come true, I put wellness and mental health first. My scale was no longer balanced and my dream was causing me more suffering than fulfillment. Small experiences gave me a glimpse of what an artistic life of exposure would be like.
I now value being near my loved ones more than a life on the road. I value free time more than money, mental stability more than accomplishment.
After a lot of soul searching, self-reflection, knowing who I was and what I wanted, I found a justification for my choices.
I used to admire obsessive ambition and was obsessively ambitious myself. Today, I loathe this idea.
When I think of the mindset of Cristiano Ronaldo or Beyoncé — my ultimate idol — an inexhaustible obsession with “winning”, sacrificing their private lives for the sake of their craft, and making well deserved millions out of it.
It’s a way. A very rewarding one, no doubt. But I don’t identify with it anymore. Some things are just not worth it. I can still enter the flow, though. It’s what connects me with the higher spirit, the universe, God, or whatever you call it.
But it’s vital to know who you are, what you want, what grounds you and what unbalances you because that way you’ll make conscious choices that you won’t regret.